This morning as he was getting ready for school, Little Prince quite matter of factly told me I wasn't his "proper mum." I have to say that the only thing that surprised me was that he said this at such a young age, I had expected it more from a teenage tantrum than from a normal everyday conversation with a 5 year old. I'm not sure how well or badly I handled it, as I just matter of factly told him that "No I'm not your Tummy Mummy, but I am the Mummy who looks after you." I also explained that Mummies have two jobs i) to grow the baby in their tummy and ii) to look after the baby and help them grow up big and strong. And that some Mummies do both jobs for their children, and some Mummies aren't ready to do the second job and social workers and Courts find the children new Mummies who ARE ready. He seemed to accept this and happily carried on getting ready for school.
Any ideas on what else I could have said? I don't want to invalidate what he was obviously thinking and I'm not sure my answer doesn't try to do that! He has also been saying for the last couple of nights that he wishes he was 0 (ie a baby under one) so that he could come out of my tummy. Poor little lad is obviously processing a LOT of adoption related stuff right now.
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25th May 2009 - See New Child again & Court Date
23rd May 2009 - Fly back to Ethiopia
26th March 2009 - Fly to Ethiopia :-)
3rd March 2009 - Dossier Arrived at Orphanage
26th February 2009 - Dossier sent to Ethiopia
22nd December 2008 - Dossier back at DCSF
28th November 2008 - Certificate of Eligibility ISSUED
6th October 2008 - PASSED Approval Panel
7th July 2008 - Homestudy Update Started
28th Feb 2008 - Told LA we wished to change country
LID (Logged in Date) with CCAA 16th August 2007
Documents to China 10th August 2007
Passed Approval Panel 5th March 2007
Homestudy started 6th June 2006
First Contact with our LA 1st Jan 2006
5 comments:
Hugs, poor little thing is just trying to process everything. I would not of known what to say and I think what you said was right. It must hurt a little but you are the only mummy he knows and loves:)
Love S
Hi S,
Thank you :-) It didn't hurt at all, as I know I'm not and never will be his only Mummy and I accept that is how it is and that Tummy Mummy will always be part of his life. I just want to make sure that he knows he can always talk to me (or the rest of the family) about any of this, and that he feels he is being 'heard' and 'validated' not dismissed or anything.
Lots of love
Janet
PS Shouldn't you be packing :-)
Janet, I think you did a fantastic job with how you handled it. I couldn't have said it any better. I will remember the gentle and loving way you explained it to Little Prince and I will use the same technigue and honesty you did with Maura. Thank you for your loving gift of sharing something so personal .Tell Little Prince, Iain was asking about his kittens. Love Dawn
Hi Janet:
Thank you for this 'glimpse into the future'! I have been rehearsing a very similar response in my head for a long time, waiting for that moment, which as Little Prince demonstrated, could be sooner for us, rather than later. I think you handled it beautifully and in a way, it was inspiring to 'hear' it in action.
best wishes,
Ellen xx
Hi Dawn and Ellen,
Thank you for your words of encouragement and support :-)
Love
Janet
xxx
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