Visit

Yesterday we visited a family who adopted their child while they lived in Ethiopia. The family lived in Ethiopia for over 5 years so were able to tell us a lot about Ethiopian culture and the way of life over there, and its always much more interesting to be hear things directly like that instead of reading them from a book where you can't ask questions and clarify things. The family showed us pictures from their time in Ethiopia and were incredibly open and willing to discuss their adoption. They completed their adoption while living in Ethiopia under Ethiopian laws and rules, so the process would be different for us. However, they worked with the same orphanage/orphanage director that has been recommended to us and it was very useful to be able to discuss how the orphanage operates and the reasons that children end up there. Apparently there is no culture of adopting unrelated (stranger) children in Ethiopia, except if a child is placed in the doorway of a rich person's house and that family chose to take in the child (they see the child as a blessing) and raise him/her. Also extended family will take in a related child who's parents cannot raise them. So a child that ends up in an orphanage really has no-one at all, which is a stark and very upsetting thought.

We discussed at length the advice we had already been given from another Ethiopian adopter to ask to be referred a child where there is knowledge of the birthfamily. We found out that this is very unlikely to happen, due to the way the orphanage operates - the director will not take a child a birthparent wants to relinquish to her care. The children who end up in the care of this orphanage could have been abandoned in the street, left to be killed by wild animals in the countryside or abandoned in hospital soon after birth. We were assured that the orphange director is an honourable woman who would not knowingly take a trafficked child into the care of her orphanage, and as she only works with the UK and one or two other European countries there isn't a huge demand for babies for adoption, which can happen when large American agencies and their huge numbers of prospective adopters get involved. This eased my mind greatly as this was something that I had become increasingly worried about after speaking to the other adopter.

We also discussed hair and skin care, and I think I have a LOT to learn. Thankfully the mother of the family offered to help me learn how to care for our future daughter's hair and take me to a local African hair/skin care shop once we have our child to find out what products suit her best.

And in amongst all these other topics we also discussed correct etiquette for greetings and eating. It is considered polite to stand up when someone new enters a room and to shake hands with everyone in the room when you enter it. It is also considered polite to shake hands each time you meet someone, rather than the English, shake hands the first time sort of greeting. And if you get to know someone well you kiss them three times (or sometimes even more) on alternating cheeks. A married woman should be addressed as Waizero firstname, and a man as Ato firstname. When people get married they don't take the same surname, and surnames are fluid and changing as they tradition is to take the father's first name as the child's surname. When eating traditional Ethiopian food, you are served communally on a large table, which is then covered in injera (pancake shaped flat round "bread") the food is then placed on the injera and you use one hand to eat (mostly the right but can be the left if you are left handed). You tear a bit off your injera and dip it into the stew, red stew is very spicy and yellow is milder - I'll be going for yellow!! If each person has ordered a different flavour of stew it is perfectly acceptable to dip your injera in their's to share. However, it is not acceptable to lick your fingers or lips during the meal. You will be expected to wash your hands before and after the meal instead. There is also an elaborate coffee ceremony that if we were invited to would be rude of us to not accept, as I don't drink tea or coffee this could be tricky!! The first serving in the coffee ceremony is the strongest, as once the coffee is made no more beans are added, just more hot water. And it is perfectly acceptable to only drink "first serving." Or to do a quick switcheroo with Mr Messy that makes it look as though I've drunk my cupfull and means he has to drink two cups!!

Hubby also brought up the fact that he would like to see more of the country than just Addis Ababa when we go to adopt, and we were advised to do any tourist travelling and shopping before we pick up our child as then once we have her we can concentrate fully on meeting her needs. It will be difficult to fly to Addis Ababa knowing our daughter is there waiting for us, and then to travel to a different part of the country without seeing her. But I know that if I saw her I couldn't leave her behind and that it wouldn't be fair to drag her travelling round with us when she is adjusting to her new family. We were also advised that shopping could be difficult as most Ethiopians don't value their traditional culture and if we ask to be taken to shops we would more likely be taken to shops selling modern Western things than traditional Ethiopian things. Our best bet could be to give our driver some money and ask him to buy us things. Ethiopia is a predominantly Christian country, and most of the souvenirs I have seen available on line have had very elaborate cross motifs on. Due to the religious make up of our family, this doesn't appeal to me and when the family showed me their souvenirs I was relieved to see that it is possible to buy Ethiopian things without the cross motif.