Me and my friend Postlady had a girlie shopping day yesterday :-) We went to an Outlet Centre and I managed to get the pyjamas Mr Messy had requested, and a hat to keep his ears warm that Little Prince had requested. And quite a few bits that no one had requested but that I couldn't resist anyway lol. We then went over to a nearby pub for lunch, while we were sat in the pub it started to snow. It had been snowing on and off all morning, but now it started to come down much more heavily and we were getting a tad worried! When Postlady's husband rang her up and said that it was also snowing pretty hard at home, we decided to finish our lunch and set off home again. Luckily we travelled mainly on motorways and major roads so we didn't have too much trouble getting home!
In the evening me and Postlady and another of our friends were supposed to be going out for a meal. Due to the weather we changed the venue and ended up eating in the next town's Chinese Restaurant and had a lovely time - great food and great company. Other friend did drop a bombshell - she's pregnant! It was a bomshell as her and her husband have not been getting on (she suspects he is having an affair!) for months now!! I'm not sure if she is trying to use the baby to fix her marriage, or if she is being totally selfish and having a baby because she wants one and not thinking about the acrimonious situation she is in! Knowing her quite well I suspect the latter!! Her husband has questioned who the father is!! And also asked when she was going to "get rid of it"!!! And she is STILL going to give him a week or so to decide what he wants to do - divorce (which was the plan before this happened) or stay and try to make it work. I was fairly blunt with her (me and Postlady have been telling her for months to stop putting up with all his stuff and sort out a better life for her and her two current kids!) and said she now has a deadline to sort this out (less than 9 months!!) and she can't bring a baby into the house with the atmosphere like it is! I also asked her if she truly thought her husband could change and if not what would she do? And asked what is good about her marriage? Sadly she couldn't name one single thing. My heart is breaking for my friend, her two current kids and the baby she is carrying. She is going to stay at her parent's to give her husband time and space to think things through and while she is there talk to a solicitor friend (she can't ring one from home as husband checks all the numbers on the itemised phone bill!). Her parents have the space and money to support her and the kids while she gets back on her feet, but she just needs the strength to move on.
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25th May 2009 - See New Child again & Court Date
23rd May 2009 - Fly back to Ethiopia
26th March 2009 - Fly to Ethiopia :-)
3rd March 2009 - Dossier Arrived at Orphanage
26th February 2009 - Dossier sent to Ethiopia
22nd December 2008 - Dossier back at DCSF
28th November 2008 - Certificate of Eligibility ISSUED
6th October 2008 - PASSED Approval Panel
7th July 2008 - Homestudy Update Started
28th Feb 2008 - Told LA we wished to change country
LID (Logged in Date) with CCAA 16th August 2007
Documents to China 10th August 2007
Passed Approval Panel 5th March 2007
Homestudy started 6th June 2006
First Contact with our LA 1st Jan 2006
5 comments:
Ah Janet I'm so sad for your friend. As much as we all (especially as an prospective adoptive family feel for the child..and her two current children...as we would be overjoyed with the news of a little one!), my heart goes out to your friend. If you marry someone, you obviously are in-love with them deeply at one point, and I don't believe that goes away, just because one or the other does something to betray that love. That is her challenge. And oh it's such a really hard one. I thought waiting for Izabella was hard, well, what she is dealing with is over the top. The betrayal and the lies and lack of trust and respect are the hardest of all. I so hope they can find a way back to that place of "LOVE" they were at and keep their family together.
I do have a suggested book reading or at least try to watch this show online (it's an Oprah show with Gary Neuman, author of "The Truth About Cheating") It's won't fix it all, but sometimes the hardest part is understanding "why" it happened. Then you can begin to put the life you had back together or move on. I watched it and thought it was fasinating. All the reasons we "women" think is the reason men stray--is pretty much not the case--acccording to interviews with "cheating men" by this author. It's pretty eye-opening. I found it great information for me as a happily married worman too...Here is the link to the Oprah show online...
http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/oprahshow/oprahshow1_ss_20050505
Hope this is helpful. You're a good friend to be there for her. I never underestimate the power of a solid group of "girlfriends"! Glad we're girlfriends in our own little way. :)
Hi Lisa,
There are many other problems besides the suspected affair unfortunately :-( And all this is eating away at my friend, she is a shadow of the self confident woman she used to be :-( I really feel for my friend and hope she can find some way through this that will result in the least damage and unhappiness to her and all the children involved. Its just such an impossible situation for her :-(
I will check out the book and might buy it her, depending on how strong she is feeling when she comes back from her parent's house.
I'm glad we are friends too :-)
Love
Janet
Janet--we always hope for families to stay together--but I sure do understand there are so many times when what's best for everyone is that the family not stay together. My brother was one of those and I encouraged him to get out of the toxic environment--and he has flourished ever since. So...I really hope she can pull through this--and with great friends like you--surely she will.
As far as the book goes--the book is not about keeping relationships together as much as it is about understanding what happened...no matter your decision stay or leave..it's important to try to understand..although we often never really do..what happened. You know her and the situation best..so you will know if this book would help. I really hope for her and her chilldrens health and well being. So sad...this has done this to her. I hope after she comes out of this fog in her life, that she is bigger than life and back to the beautiful person she was with more vigor for life than ever!
Again--your a great friend janet.
Thinking of you and your family often. Hoping for word that the adoption is finally out of the government's hands and into Ethiopia soon!!!!
Its very sad when a marriage breaks down .Its awful for the children.Parents can be very selfish at times.All marriages go through ups and downs .It wouldn't be normal if we didn't all go through difficult times.I always find that in modern times,people are very selfish and don't try at marriage..too many easy ways out.Though if the outcome is more benefical in the long term for all involved then maybe its the best.
My parents are the only ones in my immediate family that have lasted 40 years of marriage ,they've been through loss of a son,cancer and other loss,yet remain together.Its hard.
Hi Lisa and Rosie,
It is very very sad for the children involved, and for my friend. But her husband has been emotionally abusive and treats her like sh*t. She has no self confidence left, and I think she wants the baby as she thinks she will either win her husband back, or she will get unconditional love from this baby! Neither are great reasons to have a child, and it won't be good for the baby (as it isn't for the existing children) growing up in the toxic home environment they live in.
I hope my friend can find the strength to stand up to her bully of a husband and either force him to change or find the strength to make a better life for herself and the children.
Love
Janet
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